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What is Internalized Homophobia?

What is internalized homophobia? Internalized homophobia is a term used to describe the process by which LGBTQ+ individuals come to accept and believe negative stereotypes about themselves.

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Grace Schwartz | Tanner James

What internalized homophobia looks like and why it’s a problem

Internalized homophobia is a term used to describe the process by which LGBTQ+ individuals come to accept and believe negative stereotypes about themselves. This can include feeling ashamed of their sexual orientation or gender identity, believing that being queer is wrong or immoral, and fearing that other people will find out about their identity. Internalized homophobia can lead to self-hatred and anxiety, and can make it difficult for LGBTQ+ individuals to come out and live openly. This can lead to feelings of shame, embarrassment and isolation. In addition, hiding their sexuality prevents them from developing healthy relationships with others.

Internalized homophobia can look like many things. Here are some examples:

Denial of your sexual orientation to yourself and being skeptical of other people's identities
Attempts to alter or change your sexual your orientation – or belief that this can be done
Engaging in obsessive thinking and/or compulsive behaviors about how you're presenting
Low self esteem or negative self image because of who you are
Idealizing the idea of 'marrying straight' as the gold standard
Hold in contempt open or visibly queer members of the LGBTQ+ community
Denial that homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc., are serious social problems
Engaging in homophobic behaviours – ridicule, harassment, verbal or physical attacks on other LGBTQ+ people
Attempts to pass as heterosexual in social settings
Obsessive self-monitoring of one’s behaviors, mannerisms, beliefs, and thoughts

The effects of Internalized homophobia

Here is a list of some of the effects of internalized homophobia.

Constantly fearing being judged by others
Feeling immense pressure to act and dress conventionally 'straight'
Believing that you need to hide your true self from your community and the world
Having thoughts that being LGBTQ+ is wrong or bad (affecting your perception of yourself and others)
Fearing being rejected by your family and friends because of who you are deep down

Tools you can try to combat internalized homophobia

Try to connect with new LGBTQ friends who might 'get' you
Try to understand that other people's opinion about you is none of your business. (Remind yourself that other people’s expectations are NOT your responsibility)
Take a sociology class and learn about social constructs of gender
Try something that feels “too feminine,” or “too masculine” to you
Avoid so-called “friends” who put you down
Join a church that is affirming of LGBTQ+ identities (if religious)
Take notice when you are being overly aware of how people are perceiving you
Raise your political consciousness about LGBTQ+ issues
Love some of your most judgmental family members from afar, limiting your time around them
Reflect on your childhood exposure to homophobia: this is where a lot of belief systems are built
Strive to making self-care a new lifetime habit
Say “I love you” to yourself often (even though it feels ridiculous)
Connect with an LGBTQ-friendly coach or therapist
Be mindful of your thoughts about other LGBTQ people

The Trevor Project